Sunday, May 10, 2009

life in the 'hood

I remember my very first Mother's Day. It was in May 2003. We had a brunch at my house. Eric cooked omelets for everyone. Emily was five months old, and really into her Exersaucer. It was a good day. After everyone left, I went shopping with my Mom. For the three hours that we were gone, I was overcome by an immense amount of guilt. Here it was Mother's Day, and I was not with my child. I was out doing something for myself, and I felt guilty. What kind of Mother was I?

Fast forward a few years, and I laugh at that story. Actually, I laugh a lot at some of those things I did in the early motherhood days - screaming at Eric for mixing brands of formula, obsessing over whether or not my child had any protein that day, freaking out about dirt or messiness, freaking out over a mild sickness, wondering if I let my child watch too much TV, and GUILT, GUILT, GUILT for anything and everything.

It was when I gave birth to Paige that so much of that changed. I relaxed. I didn't worry so much. I let go of the guilt. I even left my two children and husband for a couple days to go to Florida by myself. Did I miss them? Yes, of course I did. Did I feel guilty? I can't lie, I did at first, but then I remembered that the girls, when asked even right now, would probably not remember that I was even gone. Actually, Emily would probably remember, but she would probably tell you more about the nail polish kit I got for her than actually missing her old Mom.

Motherhood is the most challenging thing I have ever done. That's not exactly earth shattering news to most Moms, but it's so true. I admit that there are days that I wonder why I decided it was a good idea to have kids - but then they do something so amazing, like draw me a picture, or hold my hand, and I forget that thought all together. I even think, some days, that it was the best decision I ever made.

Anyway - that's just my story.

Hope you all had a good Mother's Day.

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