the towel..

has been officially thrown in. what you are about to read is a bunch of self loathing. i am not all that sorry about that. i have had a rough couple of weeks, and i need to get this all out.

i have no real idea why, but two weeks ago i had this crazy idea that i would start toilet training my very stubborn, cute and highly temperamental two year old. i must have been crazy. i decided to do it by just getting rid of diapers all together. no intermediate phase. no warming up. another totally crazy and irrational idea.

basically, for those of you who haven't already had the joy of hearing me complain about it, it went a lot like this: i begged her to sit on the toilet, i asked her several times a day...mere reminders, really..if she had to go, and it was all to no avail. yes, of course, she did what she was supposed to do at times, but most of those times were completely mandated by me, not her. when left to her own devices, she went in her own personal space...ie - she peed in her pants.

and then this weekend happened. she decided to introduce a whole new side of herself - the massive temper tantrum side. this consisted of flailing herself away from me, kicking me, smacking me if i came anywhere near her, calling for anyone but me, and screaming and crying like i was sawing her arm off. yeah, i know, total FUN.

so, i countered by almost having a total breakdown/anxiety attack/tantrum of my own. and then i spoke to a good friend of mine who helped me put it all in perspective.

i needed a break. and she probably needed one too.

so, that's exactly what we are doing.

of course, i had to take a few hours to reconcile this in my mind. you see, i am so not a quitter. failure, is not really a word that i like for to use. i needed to see this situation as not a complete and total failure. and it isn't. and well, if it really is, i can't really care about it. at least not for now.

so, i am hoping that things around here are going to get back to our normal. a lot less tantrums and a lot more silly.


and this child, has been extra sweet. she loads me up with lots of extra kisses and hugs because she knows i have been needing it.
and even though i have been not really feeling it lately, i am a very lucky girl to have these two call me mom. really and truly.

thanks for listening.

and thank you sheila - you have no idea how much you helped me.